And now a message from our sponsors

Is your baseball team struggling?

Are you ready to throw in the towel?

Do your every day players make Kyle Davies look like Sandy Colfax?

Are you suspicious that your team may be the worst hitting, least talented ball club of all time?

Then hurry down to GREAT AMERICAN BALLPARK in Cincinnati TODAY! With a team ERA of 4.82, you can't lose! We will personally guarantee that your team will not only leave the 'Nati with a victory, but you will do it by scoring over ten runs!

Our professionals are the best in the business! Be amazed at Kirk Saarloos's 7.04 ERA in 23 innings! Watch with amusement while Kyle Lohse, Matt Belisle, and Aaron Harang try to pose as legit major league starters! Swing for the fences against our terrible bullpen!

Just listen to what some of our most satisfied customers have to say:

"I suck. I mean, I really suck. I'm hitting like .190 or something. But against the Reds this weekend, I already have four hits!" --Adam LaRoche, Pirates 1st baseman

"You know, most people around the league know me as a scrappy, weak-armed defensive specialist who isn't worth a lick at the plate, but against Victor Santos, I hit a home run. Thank you Reds!" --Jack Wilson, Pirates short stop

"Boy have we sucked it up at the plate this season. But hey, we can always count on the Reds to give us that offensive breathing room we need. 33 runs in 3 days, wow!" --otherwise inept Pirates manager Jim Tracy

Don't hesitate! Come down to Great American Ballpark and play the Cincinnati Reds TODAY!