The Crystal (Base)Ball

SEASON PREDICTIONS!!!

The playoffs aren't for another six months. But why wait? Here's the results of the 2007 MLB season just in time for opening day.

Pirates finish: Most Pirate fans are, as always, taking the delusionally optimistic route and predicting around 83 wins, hoping we can finally break the streak of losing seasons. This is, of course, silly. Other fans are predecting a small improvement from 67 wiins to something like 70 wins. How someone can see that the team is improved and predict three more wins is beyond me. I predict a solid 10-game improvement. The Pirates will go 77-85.

NL West winner: Padres
NL Central winner: St. Louis
NL East winner: Mets
NL Wildcard: Milwaukee

AL West winner: The L.A. Angels of Aneheim
AL Central winner: Sox!
AL East winner: Sox!
AL Wildcard: Yankees

NL champ: St. Louis
AL champ: Yankees
World Series: Yankees in 5.

Other predictions: The NL will still suck. The Cubs will suck. Pirates GM Dave Littlefield will not be fired. The Pirates will win Apriil 27 when I'm at the game. At this game, I will catch a home run hit by Adam LaRoche. The baseball will turn out to be radioactive and give me magical baseball powers. After a short stint as a crime-fighting superhero, I will join the Pirates in 2009 and take them to the World Series. The movie rights will be sold to MGM studios for $18 mil. The part of Jack Wilson will be played by Tom Hanks. Of course, my character will be played by Ice-T.

Tomorrow I will post some predictions for how the Pirates will do individually.